Winter Light

I stepped out of the office into 5pm darkness and pouring down rain. Even though I had a great day full of productive and positive interactions, my mood sunk. Winter is here, I thought to myself. And I pulled my coat around my neck a little tighter, locked the office door, and dashed to the car for the dreary drive home.

Every year I fight to make it to December 21 when the days get longer again. If I can just make it until December21, I reason to myself, I will be ok.  And from Thanksgiving on, I fill my calendar with busyness, holiday parties, get togethers, church events, bazaars, bell ringing, etc. This strategy works for me. Time passes and I breathe a sigh of relief come December 21. It’s still dark and cold and wet, but in my head, I know the days are getting longer even if it’s just a few minutes longer. And for whatever reason, that keeps me going.

But not this year. Covid has seen to that.

Because of Covid, there probably won’t be the usual social gatherings. Already my family did not get together for Thanksgiving as planned. It’s not fair and I hate it.

The only useful consequence I foresee is that I won’t be tempted by all the goodies and overabundance of food at parties. But then again, will the isolation of being homebound drive me to old habits of consoling myself with comfort food?

How can I avoid overfeeding my December to not feel regret and reflexively starve my January?

Many of us struggle with SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. During the winter months, we don’t get as much sunlight which affects the pineal gland and the body’s clock, increasing melatonin production making us sleepy, and decreasing serotonin production making us sad.

A new strategy I am implementing this year is full spectrum bright light therapy. A growing body of research shows that 10000 lux, about 20 min a day, can be greatly beneficial for mood and energy.

I will take an additional 5000IU of Vitamin D3 and eat happy foods. What are happy foods? Berries, leafy greens, grass fed, free range or wild protein, especially wild caught salmon, avocados, and nuts and seeds. Whole, real food has the building blocks for serotonin and melatonin for optimal mood and energy.

I will challenge the inevitable negative self-talk replacing it with truth.  Yes, this winter is different, but different does not have to be bad. Maybe I can even improve my health and learn new things. Maybe I could finish out 2020 stronger.  I can try new recipes and tackle projects around the home. There is that quilt I want to finish and the books I want to organize and the blog I want to write more often. I can read uplifting books and listen to upbeat music rather than watch the news. I can be creative about how I connect with family and friends.

I can look to the creator of winters and seasons, the creator of lights in whom there is no turning. And if I can embrace this winter knowing it is but a season and spring always follows, this year will end weigh different.