Mission Possible

Graeter's black raspberry ice cream.

For the last several years, Elena and I have taken an annual mother-daughter trip, usually involving a long weekend at the coast or in the mountains. One year we hiked Mount Adams and slept under the stars without a tent. Last year marked our first international travel. Elena made all the arrangements for us to explore Ibiza, Madrid, and Paris. Two of my sons joined us for the last half our our European adventure. It was glorious.

In return for taking me on that fabulous summer trip to places in Europe I had never been, this year I wanted to take Elena to places where I am from in the Midwest where she had never been.

Yes, she has tasted tapas in Toledo, Spain; but has she eaten a Hawkin’s cream-filled, chocolate covered long john in Ashland, Ohio? Yes, she has savored sea bass in a Michelin Star restaurant in Madrid, but has she ever enjoyed ice cream from the famous Cincinnati Graeter’s who imports Oregon black raspberries in their most popular black raspberry chocolate chunk flavor? Sure, she has seen flamenco dancers perform in Spain and delighted in operas in Italy, but has she met her own flesh and blood second cousin who is a real live Elvis tribute artist? For all her worldwide globe trotting, I did not want her to miss out on the cultural experiences in her own back yard. Additionally, I wanted to show Elena my old stomping grounds so she could see for herself where her mother grew up and maybe understand me just a little bit better.

Our trip got off to a slow start. Making a new plan is old hat to me, now that I am a seasoned “stand by” traveler. Bumped off the red-eye, we were able to secure seats on the 11:30am flight the next day. I didn’t mind one more good night of sleep in my own bed. Besides, the elimination of hurry was my theme for the trip. I did not want one moment of the trip to be or feel rushed. So what we arrive twelve hours later than we initially planned. The rental car in Detroit was still there, ready and waiting for pick-up.

We stopped at Trader Joe’s and purchased water and healthy snacks and an insulated bag for our ensuing four hundred mile road trip and made our way to our first destination: Grand Rapids, Michigan.

We started in Grand Rapids to reconnect with my second cousin, Kathy, who I had not seen since my grandmother’s (her aunt’s) funeral some thirty-two years ago. I happened to be pregnant with Elena at the time, so it had been that long for Elena too.

Since we were arriving to the hotel later than expected and close to midnight, we decided to meet up with Kathy the following day. I checked into the hotel on the app, and used the digital key on my phone to let ourselves into the side entrance, bypassing the front desk rigamarole altogether. I felt very Gen Z with the digital key and all. That is, until the digital key failed to unlock the hotel room door.

No problem. I reassured Elena and marched up a floor to the front desk where the empathetic desk clerk clicked away at his keyboard informing me that somehow, I had already been checked out. It was obvious that I was not checked out and after some head scratching, a call to his supervisor, and assurance that I would not be charged twice, the kind desk clerk issued me key cards to the same room.

Despite a little travel fatigue and my disappointment that the digital key was a dud, I was feeling pretty proud of my positive attitude as I marched slowly back to the room where Elena waited patiently. We tried the key card. Strike two. The key card failed to unlock the door.

Back to the front desk I went, undaunted, and explained the situation to the same desk clerk, John, with whom I was now on a first name basis. John put his thinking cap on again, and accompanied me along with his fancy universal gadget that he assured me would open all doors.

When his fancy gadget failed, John explained the battery in the door thingy must be dead. Strike three.

He gave us two options. Option 1: wait for him to change the battery in the electronic door lock which we could clearly see he was less than enthusiastic about doing. Or option 2: he could issue us another room for ten dollars less than what we originally were expecting to be charged.

Mercifully for all of us, we chose option 2 and by 1am we were safely tucked in to our beds and fast asleep dreaming about the adventures that awaited us the next day.

After a solid six hours of restful sleep, we kept our commitment for a daily morning walk, quickly showered, packed, checked out and rolled our bags up to our rental car. Elena had already punched in our destination in her Maps app and asked me about adding a stop to grab some coffee on the way as she clicked the key fob to unlock the driver side door. We had a keyless entry.

Sure, I said, waiting for the trunk to pop open. She clicked the fob again. The doors did not unlock.

I took the fob from her and walked around the car clicking it again and again, like you do on an elevator when the elevator door won’t close, as if pressing the button a million times will make it work.

It doesn’t.

I decided to call my husband like a damsel in distress. I was not frantic, mind you. I just thought he might have helpful idea. In the mean time, Elena was being all Nancy Drew looking up YouTube videos on how to release the emergency key from the fob and use it to detach the side door handle cover to reveal the hidden key hole. While I am half-way listening to my husband’s well-meaning but lackluster suggestion that I call roadside assistance, I stand mouth agape, watching my gangster daughter practically break into this car and insert the funny looking key into the now exposed lock.

The key does not turn. The door remains locked.

At this point we call roadside assistance. The apologetic customer service agent on the other end of the line gives us two options. Option A: replace the battery in the key fob. What is it with batteries? Option B: Wait who knows how long for a tow to the nearest Avis rental car establishment and get a different car.

We know where an Office Depot is because we passed one half way into our brisk two mile walk earlier that morning. This time we choose option A, change the battery, thinking it would take less time and option B would completely unravel our only opportunity to reunite with my cousin.

We wheel our bags to the counter and meet the morning desk agent, Trevor, informing him of our plight and asking if we could stow our luggage behind the counter while we hoof it to Office Depot. Trevor, obviously wanting to impress my beautiful daughter, asks if he could have a stab at opening the door. Trevor, clearly impressed himself by Elena’s new found skills, tries his hand at opening the door but to no avail. To his credit, he looks for a spare battery behind the counter. No luck. So, hi ho, hi ho, off to Office Depot we go, and we just might have been whistling, as I recall.

While we were cool during the early morning walk, now we are sweating buckets in the hot mid-morning Michigan sun. The nice man at Office Depot goes above and beyond the call of duty basically risking life and limb to open one of those impossible-to-open thick double-layered plastic packages (unless you carry a Swiss Army knife which we don’t). He pops open the key fob and replaces the battery. One hundred percent sure it is going to work this time, we practically run back to the car excited to try the fresh battery. With every step closer, I feel hope rising, and with right arm outstretched, I press the key fob fervently at the car, again and again, dancing around it like the Israelites marching around Jericho, waiting for the walls to come a-tumbling down, or at least all the car doors to fling open at once.

They don’t.

Now what? We are out of options and it looks like I am going to miss out on seeing my cousin.

We trudge back to the front desk where Trevor is waiting. He wants to try. Of course. Be my guest. What do we have to lose. He opens the key fob to make sure we have put the battery in correctly. Yes, Trevor, we weren’t born yesterday. He snaps it back together and pushes the button from where he is standing behind the counter, inside the hotel, a long way away from the car and the parking lot.

Weirdly, we notice the trunk of another vehicle about twenty yards in front and to the right of ours mysteriously pop open. In slow motion and in complete silence, Elena and I look at each other and then at Trevor and then at the cars. You could hear a pin drop.

We burst out laughing. And we laugh hysterically, slapping our knees as it dawns on us what has happened. We race to the car with our bags.

It is the exact same make and the exact model and the exact same color with toll tag thingy in the front windshield and everything. I kid you not.

We had spent all this time trying to break into a car that was not ours!!!

At this point, I am busting up, totally embarrassed. Elena is irritated with herself for not recognizing something different, like maybe the license plate or something. I sheepishly tell Elena that I will get all the bags in the car while she puts that metal door handle part back on the car.

“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy. You have to help me put this back on.” She won’t let me get away with anything. As we walk back to the car we have spent the last hour apparently trying to break into, the people whose rental car it really is walk up with their bags.

I am over the top apologizing for our error. Elena and I are both talking at once, explaining ourselves. I offer to give them my information in case we have ruined their car or they get charged for damage or something. Gratefully, they take it all in stride, their key fob works, and their car starts right up and they drive away, probably relieved to get away from the likes of us.

We get on with our trip and have a grand time visiting Kathy and lots of other old friends and relatives and enjoying bakery goods and ice cream and seeing the house where I grew up and walking the one mile route to school in the rain, up hill at least one way. Of course we recounted our story to everyone we saw, and it got better and better with the telling. And we imagine Trevor telling everyone he sees for the next several months about these two crazy women who tried to break into a car that was not theirs.

But what were we to learn.

Not everything is as it seems. It’s not always a dead battery. Girls have skills. You can get more skills on the fly. All those Nancy Drew Mystery computer games were worth it. You can do everything right and still things don’t always work they way you think they should. Sometimes you have to step back and look at the big picture to figure things out. It pays to be nice because in the end you might be the one looking silly but at least you were nice. Be willing to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously. Laughter is the best medicine. Life’s the best when shared with your beautiful daughter, no matter what happens. Maybe all of the above and more.

By the way, you’re welcome, Trevor.

Same Page

I feel very fortunate that my husband and I are on the same page about so many things. And I am not talking religion or politics, though we agree on most issues in those areas too.

We share similar interests in recreation. We enjoy hiking, kayaking, gardening, walking on sandy beaches in Hawaii, and most recently, pickleball. We have similar tastes in décor, furniture, art, shows, etc. We like gathering around the table with family and friends, making and sharing a meal. We love spending time with our children and  grandchildren.

One of the most important values we both share is ageing well which means we both enjoy eating healthfully.

It was not always this way. Early in our marriage, neither of us paid much attention to food quality. And we were not necessarily in agreement with what constituted healthy food.  We both had bad habits, nostalgic tastes, and wrong thinking.

Kenny held fruit juice as an excellent source of vitamin c and served our kids orange juice or mixed fruit juice every day for breakfast and then packed capri suns in their lunches. My version of healthy Kraft mac and cheese included adding tuna and broccoli to the powdery chemicals.

He threw away my diet coke and I hid his karo corn syrup (which he poured on top of the inch coating of jam and butter that he slathered on the Krusteez pancake made with egg and vegetable oil) in the trash.

As we both dove deeper into the big wide world of nutrition, we picked up the good with the fads, eventually getting away from the promise of finding the fountain of youth in any one supplement or diet and embracing the fact that food – high quality food – has to be our main source of nutrition. After all, our bodies are constantly turning over cells. That is, we are getting rid of old dead cells, and making new ones. We make the new cells out of the food we put into our bodies. The better the food quality, the better the cell quality. And the better the cell quality, the better the health.

Over the last ten years, we have moved from packaged foods, convenient meals, and fast food, to being very picky about restaurants, spending more time in the kitchen, more money on groceries, experimenting with new recipes, making our own mayo, dressings, even crackers. We have gone from grocery store produce to organic to growing our own or foraging from local farmers.

We are not perfect. We are still in process. And we trip each other up at times. I buy the occasional “healthy” cereal. Kenny buys Haagen Daz bars or tortilla chips or processed cheese. Or beef jerky. Or licorice.

Most of the time when I open the cupboard or refrigerator and see foods that don’t serve me, I see them with imaginary labels stuck on them reading “Not My Food” or “Kenny’s food.” I tell myself that Kenny has different nutritional needs than I do He is physically active on the job from sun-up to sun -down. He is a guy. Etc.

Most of the time, I can overlook his culinary temptations. But sometimes, when he brings his bowl full of yummy goodness to our den where we kick back and unwind before bed, when he is reclined in his lazy boy, chomping away on whatever delicacy he has cooked up, way after the kitchen was closed, it’s hard not to want to share that with him. So. Sometimes. I do.

I feel for my patients who are not on the same page as their significant other or family members about a healthy lifestyle. They end up making two different meals a lot of the time, or choosing the best they can, which is so hard. I have so much respect for them as we work together to help them stick to their new habits with or without family support.  

I have also seen time and time again how healthy living can have a ripple effect.  I love to hear patients report their spouses are losing weight too, or are seeing improvements in their blood sugar or blood pressure or sleep.

The process of making changes can be a kind of wellness evangelism. Not by judging or proselytizing like a reformed smoker, but by patiently inviting friends and family to come along for the wellness ride, by modeling new ways of experiencing life and health.

What’s Bugging You?

It must be Spring I mused, examining the crop of weeping vesicles on my right posterior thigh. I tried not to scratch. Spring is when my beloved husband, Kenny, moves from spending most of his waking hours inside the shop to outside in the dirt. He is not as sensitive to the oils from poison oak as I am. Even doing his laundry leaves me vulnerable. Where did I put the Technu?

When that rash was finally drying up and starting to scab over, I noticed three smaller red dots forming a linear pattern on my left thorax. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. The saying I had learned at the clinic where I completed a dermatology rotation as a fourth-year med student echoed in my mind, followed by the working diagnosis of… bed bugs. I stared at the new rash again.  Bed bugs?!? My skin started to crawl. I bristled. Not because I was above bed bugs. Ok, there is that. But the last time I had an encounter with bed bugs, I ended up with a reprimand from HR. I was only trying to defend the dignity of the bed bug victim. It’s a long story. I shook my head and moved on to the second diagnosis in my differential of localized, pruritic rashes: contact dermatitis.

The new laundry detergent my husband had bought may have been too harsh for my delicate skin. I was having an allergic reaction to it. I stripped the bed, washed the sheets in hot water and vinegar, and shoved the ridiculous notion of bed bugs way down on my list of differential diagnoses. The huge hassle that would ensue to get rid of them was too much to think about just now.

I slept fitfully that night, uncomfortable in my own skin. I itched everywhere. My husband was skeptical and underwhelmed watching me strip the bed again the next morning. “I don’t have a rash,” he reasoned.

“Well, you did not get poison oak either,” I said curtly as I shoved the sheets in the washing machine and poured in the hypoallergenic detergent I made him buy.  In any case, we were headed to Texas for a week to help my mom’s big move. Whatever was causing my new rash would be gone by the time we got back.

The work of packing and moving and an unexpected night in the ER with Mom completely eliminated all physical – and mental – traces of  skin irritation .

Home again Tuesday, we were in bed by midnight. I was exhausted from flight delays and thinking about working the next day and fell fast asleep. The alarm went off way too soon, but I was determined to jump right back into my exercise routine. I hit the showers by 7 streaking past the bathroom mirror. What did I see out of the corner of my eye? Was I imagining things now? A new rash very similar to the last one, on the other side of my rib cage.

I freaked.  The bed bug hypothesis marched back into full view and sent my hysteria into full throttle. This time everything was put in bags, and I begged my husband to call the exterminator. He easily capitulated and then made no fuss when I suggested we sleep upstairs, in a different bed, with sheets that had never been washed in the alleged offending detergent. The exterminator came and went without finding a trace of anything malevolent. Still, I fed the dryer like it was a voracious cookie monster, but instead of cookies, I fed it loads and loads of bedding which it spit out after churning them through the highest heat possible.

That Saturday morning, as per usual, I met with my accountability partner. When I hesitantly showed her my rash and recounted my story, she matter-of-factly remarked, “Looks like spider bites to me.”

Instantly, my dread, fear, and shame disappeared. “Oh…right…spider bites…of course.”

She chimed in again. “By the way, why are you afraid of bedbugs?”

Good question. And we started exploring. It was an eye-opening conversation and a healing opportunity.

The mind can be a funny thing. Our thoughts can get the best of us. I am glad for the safe people in my life who are not afraid to tell me what they see, especially when I get stuck in one point of view.

Those safe friends and family help me process thoughts and feelings, discover their source, differentiate them from reality, so I can deal with them in a healthy way.

My sessions with patients at OWW enter this kind of gentle, grace-giving exploration. And I am so glad to offer patients coaching with our Certified Health and Wellness coaches, Rachelle Mathios and Meghan Hess. They are both highly skilled in this self-discovery approach to lifestyle change. With genuine curiosity, they ask honest, probing questions which help people know themselves better. Why don’t you like to cook? When did you start believing you did not have time for yourself? Why is it selfish to take care of your needs? What does it mean that you gained weight this month? They reflect what they see and give positive, nonjudgement feedback.

Sometimes the questions get to the place where we feel uncomfortable in our own skin. But if we delve into the discomfort, staying honest and vulnerable, this kind of adventure frees us from old patterns of thinking and doing to discover new ones that change our health and our lives.

Gayle: Cheerleader… Champion

The scan pile was four inches high and growing. The shred pile overflowed. I was behind in ordering supplies, rescheduling patients, paying bills, and making books. I could ignore those hints of your absence. But it was the Gayleebob icon with your smiling face staring at me from every chart which forced me to confront the harsh reality. You are no longer here and you are not coming back.

I have already fired the person who “took your place.” I put that in quotes because who can replace you? By that I mean I fired me. Yeah, I tried doing your job. I quickly tired of all my whining and complaining; how did you put up with me. So, I fired me.

I almost feel sorry for the next person. You have some pretty big shoes to fill.

I knew we would work well together the first time I met you in 2015 at the Salem Bariatric Clinic. We were passionate about the same thing: the disease of obesity. And you had been championing the cause for many years before I came on the scene.

Gayle

You were open and honest with your own struggle with the disease and the bias you encountered over the years. “I’m all right, the world’s all wrong,” you’d quote your dad. And comfortable in your own skin, you were not afraid to share your story. You mentored many patients through bariatric surgery and beyond. You ran support groups and headed up the Gala, an annual event hosted by the Salem Bariatric Center. You loved celebrating people, their hard work, and their reclamation of life and health. You invested yourself in others and people loved you. When you retired from Salem Rehab, I asked you to join me in building a weight management program at WVP. And you did.

But there was more than our mutual interest in obesity. You from Michigan and me from Ohio, we both had Midwestern roots. That gave us instant connection and a deep mutual respect from the get-go.. “Get in here,” you’d say when I showed up at your door unannounced, like one of my aunts scolding me as if I was late for dinner. You’d tell me if my hair was messy or my outfit was wrong. I’d tell you if the printing came out crooked. You’d say I was too picky. But we weren’t offended by each other. That was the beauty of our Midwestern skin: unoffendable.

If it weren’t for your dedication to Michigan, I swear we would be related. But you were better than blood. I could confess anything to you, my fears, my anger, my selfishness, and you loved me anyway. It was like confessing to a priest except rather than judgment and penance, you’d listen, commiserate, then point me to the high road and expect me to take it.

“I know what you mean, Kid, but what are you going to do? Stay bitter? That’s no way to live. Let it go.” (I really liked that you called me Kid.)

Honest. Direct. Grace-giving. You believed in me when others didn’t  and you saw to it that I landed on my feet in the wake of the unexpected change in my medical practice at the tale end of 2019 which also happened to mark the beginning of the craziest time in recent history. You were in the trenches, shoulder to shoulder with me, helping me start Oregon Weight and Wellness. You made phone calls, bought supplies, chose decor, thought of details that eluded me, kept me organized, kept me focused. You talked me off the edge more than once.  When I faltered, had second thoughts, became exasperated or exhausted, you were there to hold me up and push me forward. You gave freely, without expecting anything in return. You were even in my dreams. Sitting in the passenger’s seat, not saying a word, you exuded calm and confidence. Truly, you were not just my cheerleader. You were my champion.

You saw light in others and made everyone around you feel special. Making friends was easy for you and you had so many.  You had your  Saturday breakfast group. Your Thursday lunch group. Your rehab group. Your bariatric group. Your cardiac surgery group. Your Bunko group. Your Oregon family. Your Michigan family.

And they were all good friends. They truly loved you as you loved them. And it showed, especially in the weeks leading up to your departure. Your house was like Grand Central Station, hosting Bunko and Saturday breakfast, people streaming in and out, day after day. Your face beamed with joy.

One evening, I was almost jealous when I arrived and people were still there. “Don’t you know this woman is sick and needs her rest?” I thought, as I sat in your chair, impatiently waiting for my turn to have a few moments with you. “This is my Gayle, and this is my time. What are you doing here?” I wanted to ask them to leave, but I left instead.

We did have our time together. That Wednesday. Kenny sang and played his guitar. The song he wrote, “Do you know how much He loves you” will always be your song now. We talked a little bit about heaven. Your childlike faith revealed an excited anticipation. I cried. And you let me. I knew that when we hugged goodbye for the night, it might be our last.

I am really trying to borrow a page from your playbook, “It’s a Great Life.” You quoted that saying from your dad often. I watched you rally as you grieved Doug’s passing.  It was a huge blow, but you were courageous in feeling you”re feelings and soldiering on. You may have taken a short break, but you never quit.  The cancer diagnosis was another blow, but you put your big girl boots on and stayed strong.

You're a fighter and I'm in your corner

You lived your life up to your last days so beautifully, so graciously, so generously. I am blessed to have been a part of it. Though I am not in pieces, there is a great big hole. For the moment I will keep staring at the card I must have bought subconsciously for you to give to me.

“You’re a fighter, Kid. And I’m in your corner.”

Linda’s Legacy

It’s funny how bad news hits you in different ways. The news of our beloved neighbor Larry’s death three years ago set me in flight, quickly running from my back door across our backyards to his side for a final goodbye and then to his wife Linda’s side in hopes of offering some comfort. Last Sunday, the news of Linda’s death left me paralyzed, unable to move.

She was the third friend and mentor who had died in a seemingly short period of time. I felt a rock in my foundation shift underneath me.

I don’t remember the first time I met Linda Geck, whether it was at one of her famous neighborhood barbecues or a more informal gathering. She was our backyard neighbor for twenty-two years and her door was always open to us. “Come in!” she would sing cheerfully from her chair when she heard our familiar knock at her back door. She’d scurry to greet us with a loving hug, at times using a cane, and lately with the aid of a walker. Her face lit up with an appreciative smile and twinkling eyes, happy to see friends who dropped in even for a few minutes. We’d come over mostly in the evenings, after she had put in a day’s work.

In the Spring you could find Linda in her greenhouse carefully planting and nurturing the seeds she had chosen that winter. She’d pour over catalogs, carefully reading about each variety and deciding which annuals would perfectly complement the other, or figuring out when each vegetable would come on, in order to time her canning. In the summer, she was in her gardens. Her flowers were stunning, something out of Better Homes and Gardens. Perennials decorated the path along the driveway. Annuals spilled out of pots upon pots in her back yard with glorious displays of color. She spent hours in late summer and early fall preserving her bountiful vegetable harvest.  And in winter, she’d be in her chair knitting or crocheting or at the sewing machine, working on her latest project. In every season, rain or shine, Linda had work to do and she did it with pleasure, proficiency, and pride.

Linda knew how to make beautiful things. She was expert at every kind of needle craft, tatting, Brazilian embroidery, needlepoint, cross stitch.  You name it, she knew how to do it. She quilted quilts, knitted sweaters, crocheted Afghans. She would find a certain item she liked at a bizarre or in a magazine, like a scarf or a placemat or doll or something, improve the design, make a ton of them and then give them all away.  I was often getting her expert advice on my projects. She always had an accessory to add to take it to it the next level.  She helped me make napkins for our son’s wedding. After the wedding was over, we sewed some of the napkins into a quilt. She helped me embroider it and tie it off.  I once crocheted an angel for her. Linda embellished the wings with sparkly yarn. I made a dress for my granddaughter’s babydoll. She added rick rack and made a matching blanket to go with it. Linda worked every day of her life adding sparkle to her surroundings.

With over ninety years filled with truly living, Linda enjoyed sharing some of the pages of her past. Something in our current conversation would remind her of a lesson she had learned or a friend she met or an event in her life and she recounted a lively anecdote as if it had just happened. She’d squeeze her eyes shut, forcing her brain to eek out vivid details from her huge memory bank, the name of the friend’s friend, or the make and model of the car, or the pattern of an article of clothing. We came to love Linda’s stories. Stories of joy and sorrow, of exploits and adventures, of hard times and hard work, of new friends and old. And she told them over and over, embellishing a different detail each time. Visiting with Linda and listening to her stories was like watching reruns of your favorite Waltons or Andy Griffith or Little Rascal episode.  Funny. Poignant. Sometimes with a moral or a lesson. Through laughter and occasionally tears, Linda was a great storyteller.

Linda looked back on her life often but mostly found joy in looking ahead. To the next season, the next barbecue, the next celebration, the next gathering of friends and family. With great anticipation she would plan, combing through her cookbooks, to find old favorite recipes and to try new ones to please the crowd that would gather. Her faithful son, Paul, drove her all over town to buy items for the party and to invite her many friends .For months she would talk about it, the decorations, the guest list, the menu. And for months after she would muse about the good time had by all.

What Linda looked forward to the most, though, was the hope of being reunited with her whole family. She knew she would have to wait for heaven. Yes, she was heartbroken when her husband of sixty-seven years died; but she also carried the pain of losing two of her sons. One to cancer. Another to conflict. She talked about their expected reunion often and with loving, forgiving tears. “Maybe not in this life,” she would say, “but in the next, we will all be together again.” She coveted our times of prayer together for reconciliation.

The Apostle Paul exhorts us to remain “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.” I saw Linda live this way, appreciating everything from her past, working hard in the present moment, and looking forward to eternity. I am so very grateful for her influence in my life.

Margaret’s Gift

I felt relief when hearing the news of Margaret’s passing. Margaret was my very good friend Lisa’s mother and eventually, my friend. Kenny and I did not know Margaret very well prior to Lisa’s sudden and untimely death September 17, 2022.  We came to know her, at least in part, in the year and a half that followed. We visited her weekly at her home where she lived alone, hanging onto independence with all her might. Struggling to make new memories, Margaret clung to memories from her past and enjoyed telling stories to her friends who frequently visited. Stories of raising her six children, her tenure with BSF, biking across the country with her husband, and traveling to Paris for their 50th wedding anniversary. We’d bring her a meal or flowers or something I crocheted. Lisa had told me gifts were her love language.

And she was always trying to give us something. “Take it,” she’d say, pushing a towel or cook book or small trinket into my hand. I enjoyed paging through her collection of The Barefoot Contessa cookbooks, reading her hand-written notes in the margins, which recipes were hits with her family, which ones were duds and why, how she altered favorites for potlucks or parties. Is that what Lisa meant was ephemera?

Of course, we couldn’t take anything, not from someone who probably did not know what exactly she was doing. With one exception.  We did take her up on her offer of a Christmas tree from her property.

Margaret’s failing memory made it necessary for her to move to a memory care facility. We kept up weekly visits as best we could. We watched Margaret’s health and memory slowly decline. I often wondered why God allowed the kind of suffering dementia brings. But even in her decline, she never forgot her Albert or her Lulu. And she never questioned her faith. In tender moments and hushed tones, she would sing a hymn or quote scripture verses. Those memories were solid.

In time, I realized Margaret’s end of life was one of God’s great gifts to me. Despite the dementia and not always remembering my name, Margaret’s warm smile was proof she knew me and welcomed my company. Her pace was slow and her presence calming. At times during moments of clarity, she shared simple wisdom. Forgive. Laugh. Trust in God. She may have understood that our visits were what I needed and that they helped me more than they helped her.

Margaret passed away quietly in her sleep in December, one month before her 90th birthday. I felt relief for her. And release for me. Our time together over those fourteen months replaced the shock and sorrow of Lisa’s death with comfort and healing.

Human life, in any shape or form or disease state, has value and meaning and purpose.

Make Tracks

One of the first questions patients ask me during our first session together is how long I am going to make them track their food or their steps or their sleep.

First of all, I explain to them, I can’t make them do anything. I do want to show them the value in tracking, however, because as we all know, you can’t change what you don’t track. We have to know exactly where we are before we can figure out how to get where we want to go.

Like many things, YMMV

If we are honest, we eat more than we think we do. Our food recall at the end of the day often forgets the handful of chips here, or the few bites of a cookie there. We don’t move as much as we think we do. We go to bed later than we think we do. Real time tracking is the best way to clarify the reality of our situation.

There are countless apps that we can use, My Fitness Pal, Carb Counter, Cronometer, to name a few. They all require an onboarding of usual meals and have various levels of granularity for counting calories, macros, and micronutrients. They come with suggestions about goal setting for weight loss and projections for when to expect to get to the desired weight.

Friends of ours wanted to optimize their health so the husband created a spreadsheet specifically to count omega 3s and and 6s in addition to macros. With an engineering background, he had it down to a science. And as one who understands the utility of spreadsheets but lacks the ability to put one together, I was quite impressed looking over the detailed and accurate results of his system. He could probably sell it.

Most of us tire quickly of tracking though. I know I do. I will download an app and at first it is new and exciting. I get into trying to be better than the day before, gamifying the process in some way. Then after awhile, I get bored with it. Or I go out to dinner or to a friend’s house and can’t input what I ate or forget and then it is not accurate and I give up.

I did the same thing with my Apple watch and step counting. Again, it was fun at first. I embraced the reality of how few steps I truly get in a day, then challenged myself to get more. But I would forget to wear it during my morning walk. Or it would run out of juice because I forgot to charge it overnight. So I knew it was not 100% accurate which created a source of frustration for me. So why bother.

But the truth is, any time I stop paying attention to my behaviors or anything that is important to me or my health, I don’t do as well and even backslide. If I lose track, I get off track.

I think it has to do with law of entropy. Things go from order to disorder left on their own. My body, my health is no exception. But with positive energy like paying attention to better inputs, I can improve or at least slow that aging process. And how will I know if there is improvement unless I measure it.

I have found that tracking behavior often trumps tracking things like calories. Figuring out why I do what I do or don’t do what I want to do is eye opening and that leads to lasting change.

We practice all kinds of ways to keep track at OWW and not just with apps and rarely calories. We offer support and accountability in a safe and nonjudgmental environment. If you want to learn more about your health and how to improve it, give us a call and we will help get you on track.

Technical Difficulties

Happy New Year! What are your hopes and dreams for 2024? And how is your new year going so far?

We had an ice storm for five days complete with school and business closings, power outages, and internet disruptions. Technical difficulties, in other words. The power outage was a minor inconvenience. No power? No problem. We have a wood stove to keep us warm. Three-inch sheet of ice on your road and driveway precluding patients from coming to the office? No problem. I changed appointments to telehealth or rescheduled.  Internet does not work?  No problem. I called my friend and borrowed her office in her home where the internet is via satellite and was working.

 So, I was extra busy for the week, rescheduling, problem solving, keeping my head above water. Until the telehealth platform glitched. During one session, I could see the patient but could not hear her. And I could not see myself on my screen.  I was frantically pushing buttons, clicking, stopping, restarting, trying to make it work, getting more frazzled by the second. I finally gave up and called her and we talked on the phone.

At the end of our conversation, I applauded both of us for accomplishing what we needed to despite “not seeing each other.”  “Oh, I could see you,” she replied.  What I did not realize in my frazzle was that though she could not hear me, she could still see me. And apparently, I had muttered a few choice words during the whole frantic button clicking -why can’t I get this *$%& thing to work-  portion of our appointment. And I guess when I mutter under my breath, I actually enunciate words very clearly because she could read my lips and knew exactly which choice words I used. Embarrassed, I apologized, trying to remember what I said, but not having the guts to ask. She promised not to mention it again if I made a contribution to the “cuss jar.” First rule of Fight Club? Don’t talk about Fight Club.

Last week I gave a presentation about goal setting, specifically about improving nutrition, activity, and sleep. Again, it was not without some technical difficulties. The clicker to advance the slides was glitchy. It did not occur to me that since I was showing slides, they would dim the lights so there was not much light in the room. And at 58yo, apparently, I need a lot of light to see my notes…. And glasses…which I had misplaced. And to make matters even worse, I wore heels. You know, to look cute, cuz I am the speaker. But I got a cramp in my foot on my way to the stage.  So I am stumbling through the presentation, not able to see my notes, clicking feverishly, hobbling on my cramped food. I want to be funny, not look funny.

But I got through it.

I talked about nutrition and how we need to eat SLOW FOOD. We want to eat our food, not drink our food. Liquid food goes through our gut too fast and does not signal satiety the way eating whole food does. What’s more is that ultra-processed hyperpalatable food is already partially digested. Whole food requires more time, energy, and work from our stomach and small intestines.

Liquid and ultra-processed hyperpalatable food cause technical difficulties. Like a runaway train, they go at lightning speed through our gut, making a B-line to blood and then fat cells and messing up our metabolism. Whole food energy is more like a drive through a car wash or a school zone. Nice and slow.

Eating whole food starts with plenty of vegetables. Five cups. Five colors. The five cups provide bulk which signals stretch receptors in the stomach, one of the signaling systems for satiety. Additionally, fiber creates a kind of mesh in the stomach to slow down gastric emptying thereby keeping food in the stomach longer. The fiber mesh slows the uptake of energy into the blood stream so there is less impact on blood sugar and insulin. Fiber decreases the amount of energy absorbed. The net effect of eating veggies and is feeling full. We want to eat an array of plant colors to get the plethora of antioxidants, anti-inflammatory compounds, vitamins, and minerals which keep our cells running smoothly.

One of my 2024 goals is to help people figure out how to incorporate more plants in their diet. And no, I am not going vegan. (I had a nice grass-fed steak last night for dinner along with my three cup kale salad) To this end, I am taking a culinary medicine class to learn how to teach how to more plants.

And, come hell or high water, technical difficulties be damned! I am starting an online cooking class. Soon.

We are in the first month of the new year for a few more hours. There is still time to consider your hopes and dreams and health goals for 2024. Maybe one of them could be: EAT MORE PLANTS.

*as seen on Pinterest

When in Rome II

I must have been holding my breath from the time we decided on our route to the time we were finally on the plane, seatbelt fastened, tray table in the upright and locked position. The sigh of relief  I exhaled had enough gale force to get any plane off the ground.

Apparently, breath holding burns lots of calories. That and the thousands of steps I logged pacing through the terminal, waiting. What is it about being locked in the cabin of a plane that causes ravenous hunger. By the time the flight attendants came through with the food service carts, my ghrelin level was through the roof catapulting my planned fast out the window.  I’ll just eat the protein, I reasoned. That and one glass of wine which was, to my surprise, free.

I did manage to stay well-hydrated with water though.  “Eight ounces for every one hour of flight time,” said the forcibly obliging attendant who filled my glass for the fifth time only two hours in. I felt sorry for the person next to me whose gear I had to climb over to get to the lavatory, practically rappelling down her overstuffed backpack which clearly did not fit underneath the seat in front of her.   I would have waited until she got up. Evidently, she had a much larger bladder capacity.

The flight was smooth. Thankfully no turbulence and more importantly, no medical emergencies. I let out another huge sigh of relief as Elena and I de-planed in Amsterdam. We stowed our bags in the airport storage area and jumped on public transport to explore the city for a few hours. It was great to breathe fresh air, see the sun, and get into the rhythm of Holland time, nine hours ahead of Oregon.

Another train, plane, and taxi ride later and we were safely checked into our hotel in Ibiza.  Despite our travel fatigue, the excitement of being on an exotic island in the Mediterranean  drove us onward. After a refreshing shower and some clean clothes, we set off to explore the small island, a favorite holiday spot for many Europeans.  

Our dinner was late but exquisite, not because it was anything fancy, but because it was so spontaneous. We stumbled upon the Jungle Bistro having chosen to walk up a side street away from the bright lights of the main drag.  A group of musicians sat in folding chairs practicing their music outside a beautiful church adjacent to the restaurant. We found an empty table and ordered tapas. Elena chatted with the restaurant owner as if they were old friends. I watched her admiringly, taking it all in, the heat and humidity of the evening whisked away by a refreshing Mediterranean breeze, the relaxed harmony of the music sung and played by people who probably had lived in the area for years, the delicious aroma of herbs and spices wafting from the tapas, and my beautiful daughter so at ease in her own skin.

I was impressed with how well Elena communicated both in speaking and understanding the Spanish language. I was impressed with how well she navigated getting us effortlessly from one location to another. I was impressed with how comfortable she was in a place completely foreign to her before today, meeting new people and doing new things, adopting a new culture without hesitation. I tried to follow her lead and not look like a fish out of water.

“Let’s get some gelato,” she suggested when we had finished our meal. And we did.

Back at the hotel, I had one more responsibility to take care of before I could end my day: check my email. I logged onto my computer to tend to patient needs only to find out that I could not log on. The EMR that I used detected I was in a foreign country and its fire wall would not let me sign on. A million what if’s flooded my mind and drowned out the joy from the day. The ultimate question was what if I disappointed the people who were depending on me because of a detail I had not considered.

I let out a string of expletives that would have impressed any sailor.  Elena was wisely silent, knowing any comment would just make matters worse.

I quickly emailed IT support. The reply was immediate. I only had to download a VPN app for additional protection from any hackers, only $14.95/mo. Twenty tense minutes and a new password later, I was back in business answering emails and refilling prescriptions as if nothing ever happened.

The adrenaline rush gave me the energy I needed to push through my problem but then left me tired and wired. By this time Elena was fast asleep and I lay staring at the ceiling. My eyes refused to close.

“What do you think you are doing?” a familiar voice questioned.

“Uhm. I’m just trying to go to sleep here.”

“Oh no you don’t, Little Missy.  You have some ‘splaining to do,” My inner critic was paying me a one AM visit, pencil sharpened and clipboard in hand, tallying up the many mistakes and missteps from the day.

I knew exactly where the conversation was headed. I had broken every food rule I created for myself. I did not stick to my fast. I did not stick to my eating schedule. I did not have enough protein. Or vegetables. I ate late. And I ate dessert on the first day of my vacation. Utter failure. My inner critic seemed to be gloating and she was not even through half her list.

“But I walked a lot,” I pleaded.

“You hardly kept up with your daughter. No wonder you got a B+ in 9th grade gym class. Remember your dad had to petition to have it changed. You’re a fake valedictorian. And you probably gained ten pounds. But we can’t know that because you don’t have a scale.”

“Hey, that’s a low blow!” I protested. What does 9th grade have to do with today. Wait a minute! Why are you even here? I thought I fired you!”

“You tried, but the girl you hired to replace me is sleeping on the job. Look at her! I can’t let you backslide. I am here to protect you!”

And it was true. The coach I hired to replace my inner critic was sleeping like a baby.

I nudged her awake. “Hey, how can you sleep at a time like this We are having a major crisis here.”

She yawned and took a deep relaxing breath, not opening her eyes. “I am sleeping,” she said calmly , “because you just had one of your best days ever!”

“I did?” I stared inquisitively.

“Yes, you did,” she replied, fluffing her pillow. “You navigated a long journey across the pond, you embraced spontaneity, you enjoyed new sights, sounds, and smells, you met new and interesting people, you pivoted and problem solved, you walked your butt off, and most importantly you shared it all with your lovely daughter who really wants you to relax and have a good time.

“And tomorrow you are going to get up and have another grand adventure. So get some sleep and practice that healthy, slow down, Mediterranean lifestyle you have been preaching about.” And she buried her head deep in the pillow and nodded off. “What a lovely day,” she murmured.

“But how do I do that?”

“No buts, only ands…” The pillow was talking now. “Take a deep breath and thank Ms. Critic for her well-intentioned contribution AND let her know you are trying something new. Breathe. Again.Through your nose. You haven’t fired her. You simply reassigned her. “Again,” the pillow coached.

And I thought about the Apostle Paul and his admonition to take every thought captive. I knew that my thoughts were producing chemicals. Positive thoughts, positive chemicals. Negative thoughts, negative chemicals. No wonder our creator encourages us not to be anxious. “Do not worry, saying what shall we eat or what shall we drink. For your heavenly father knows you need all these things.”

A healthy lifestyle is about so much more than eating right and exercise. It’s about choosing to be present, being at peace in the present, seeking first things first, discerning mountains from molehills, enjoying the people you are with, and seeing that life is so, so good.

When in Rome

Elena and me
My daughter Elena and Me

As a high school Spanish teacher, Elena is continually looking to advance her knowledge and expertise. This time she signed up for IB (International Baccalaureate) training at the end of June in Madrid. Madrid, Spain.

The Madrid part was not surprising as she loves to travel and has completed several immersion courses in Spanish speaking countries over the years.

What was surprising was her invitation for me to accompany her for all or part of her trip.

“It will be a great way to celebrate my birthday!” she explained enthusiastically during a phone conversation one Saturday morning in mid-March. Despite my usual early bird gets the worm mentality, it had been drizzling for days and I was still in bed.

I sat up and looked through the window sheers at the emerging gloom outside. It was the kind of day that made one forget all the beauty and abundance of the Willamette Valley and question their sanity for ever having moved here in the first place.

I switched Elena to speaker phone and tapped the weather app. It showed no hope of letting up.

“Will it be sunny there?” I replied, not even attempting to match her level of excitement, fighting the urge to crawl back into bed. I closed my eyes and transported myself to June. In Madrid. With Elena. And sunshine.

It was interesting for me to observe myself becoming anxious the weeks and days before our trip. I gave myself grace. After all, it had been years – twelve years to be exact – since I had traveled outside the country. My last several trips were to West Africa for medical missions. Those were rewarding but grueling treks. We would travel for days then hit the ground running, treating hundreds of people. And when you thought you were finished for the night, one more person discovered your presence and came knocking at the door. How can you say no. Reality overcomes you with the enormity of the need and your complete lack of ability, resource, or strength. But even a cup of water in His name, right? Anyway, that’s how you console yourself. The recovery took weeks.

I think my biggest fear was that someone would need acute medical care on the plane during the flight, like a chest tube or urgent delivery, and I would be inept to help because I don’t practice that kind of medicine anymore. That and the jet lag. Oh, and travelling standby.

Elena and I arrived early at the airport Sunday morning and set up “standby camp” near the gate of our intended flight. Elena scrolled feverishly on her phone while discussing with Jacob the myriad of ways we could get to Europe. Jacob was behind the scenes in Atlanta, staring at his computer, examining the loads on the various flights, and calculating the statistical probability of getting two seats on the same plane considering the weather patterns, the higher than usual travel season, all the connecting possibilities, etc.

I sat a few feet out of earshot of their intense conversation, people watching, and remained blissfully ignorant of all the empty seats that were there and then gone,vanishing into thin air at the blink of an eye. Leave it to the experts, I thought. I don’t need to get involved.  I contemplated digging out the seven-hundred-page novel from my backpack that I stowed for leisure reading (and that Elena cringed at the weight of…. “are you sure, Mom?”)

A family parked their gear in the seats next to us. I recognized the dad immediately. It was a colleague of mine who was with his wife and children. We exchanged greetings and travel plans.

“You are very brave,” he commented when I explained we were traveling standby and what that entailed. “You don’t know exactly how you are getting to your destination or if you even have a seat on a plane? I don’t think I could give up that much control.”

Zeek, Jacob, Julie, Elena
Zeek, Jacob, Julie, Elena

Elena interrupted with some urgency, trying to figure out who I was talking to and trying not to be rude. “Mom, excuse me, Mom, she said abruptly, “what do you think of going to Ibiza instead of Galicia. We would fly into Amsterdam, pop into the city, then hop on a plane to Ibiza. Probably get there by noon. What do you think?”

I looked at my friend and then at her and shrugged my shoulders. “Sure,” I said, feeling a little smug, having no idea Ibiza existed before that moment. “Ibiza. Why not?”

I smiled inwardly. Yes, look at me, not having to be in control of everything all the time. I am footloose and fancy free. At least for the next nine days, que sera, sera.

After all, even if I could not control seats on a plane or weather patterns or travel arrangements, I could still be in complete control of maintaining my healthy habits during the trip. Of that I was certain. I had been practicing healthy habits for several years now and they had become ingrained. Stay hydrated, even if it means buying water.  Fast on the plane (because I am not using any energy and I know that my body can manage without food for even a day or two at a time. I would not starve. I packed raw pecans and walnuts just in case.) Stick to my normal meal and sleep schedules. Choose whole food. Enjoy the wine because we are in wine country, but don’t overindulge. Have a treat but save it for the end of the trip. I wasn’t even concerned about activity. I knew we would walk everywhere we went. So, I didn’t even bring my AppleWatch to track my steps.

a delicious plate of greens, tomatoes, and yogurt

I was so confident that my habits were part of me that I toyed with the idea of writing about it before I left…at least a friendly email to my patients as a way of leading by example.

It’s a good thing I didn’t.